


I'm A Ruin

by cate-lynne (catelynne)



Category: Avengers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-14
Updated: 2015-12-14
Packaged: 2018-05-06 15:07:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,080
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5421575
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/catelynne/pseuds/cate-lynne
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony and the reader have been together for a long time - years.   In all that time they were together, what did their relationship become?</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'm A Ruin

“Tony!”

My voice rang through the mostly empty Tower.  The Avengers (minus Tony) were on an extended mission.  Tony hadn’t gone with because of an injury sustained on the last mission.  He was somewhere in the Tower, most likely pouting, but I didn’t have time to search for him.

“Tony, I’m leaving now!”

There was a muffled reply from somewhere to my right, but I didn’t pursue it.  That was how it was between Tony and I lately – I just didn’t care enough.  After years of putting up with his bullshit, I had reached my limit.  I thought so many times about leaving him, but…something was stopping me.  I didn’t know what it was but I didn’t like it.

My thoughts were interrupted by the soft ding that accompanied the elevator.  I tried not to think about Tony as I headed down to the lobby.  Considering where I was going, I didn’t want to have him on my mind.

My heels clicked against the polished marble floor as I made my way towards the car that I could see outside the glass doors.

“Hello, darling.  How are you?”

…

Tony didn’t know what he was doing with her anymore.  He wasn’t good enough for her, he knew that.  Everyone knew that.  Yet she still hung around the Tower, looking at him with those eyes that drove him crazy.  She made him breakfast and talked shop with him in the lab.  Did he love her? Of course he did.  Without her, he’d be nothing.  But still.  He had this feeling that he wasn’t being fair to her.  That he was somehow playing with her emotions, even without realizing it.

He should –could – would treat her better.  She deserved that, at least.  He had to do something to change things around before she left him.

…

The ride back to the Tower was full of swirling thoughts and indecisiveness.  The only decision I could make was the decision to actually make a decision.  And soon.  Because the feeling of his hands on my skin was delicious, so different from the way it felt when Tony touched me.  I felt loved and cherished, not forgotten or lost.  Was this even a decision I had to think about?  It was a no-brainer…right?

Back at the Tower, Tony greeted me with a smile and a kiss, more attention than I had gotten from him in days.  He followed me to the bedroom, chatting about the team and the recent updates on their mission while I changed into something comfortable.  When I was done, he pulled me into the living room, declaring it was Date Night.  I smiled and laughed, trying not to show the inner turmoil that was starting to make me feel sick.  This wasn’t right.

…

Tony started his resolution to treat her better right away.  He planned an entire evening for them.  A movie, dinner, and later, he would worship her body, showing her how much he really loved her.    Throughout the entire night though, he felt like something was calling him away.  Even as he made love to her, he couldn’t focus on anything more than the feeling of skin on his, never mind whose skin it was.  Just a body beneath him, one of possibly hundreds.  He had lost count.

…

Would he even care?  I could see the blank look in his eyes as he hovered above me.  He wasn’t seeing me anymore, why should I continue to pretend?  I’d been doing things I shouldn’t, but so had he.  I could see it on his face in that moment.  I was no longer myself.  I was just another one of his girls.

…

Tony woke to an empty bed and a note the next morning.  It was over.  Nothing had been right between them for a long time, even he could see that, but he had been willing to try to fix it.  She was running away from a relationship that wasn’t even broken yet.  It was just…in need of some care.  Like him.  Like her.

When the team came back, he told them casually that she was gone like it didn’t matter, but he knew they could see the way he flinched at the sound of her name.  He could barely look at any of them in the eye, he was so ashamed of his failure.  To make her stay.  To fix things before they were to broken to be recognized.  That he had lived up to his reputation – unable to keep a girl for very long, but not for the reasons that everyone thought.

…

The nights without Tony were full of beautiful men that I could barely keep track of.  Half the time I was gone before they woke up.  The other half, I was kicking them out.  The alcohol was out of control, just like the rest of my life.  I had lost what I had with Tony, but I could find it again, with someone else.  I was young and beautiful.  I could find love again.  How hard could it be?

…

He saw her once, at a party.  She was escorted by the son of a prominent businessman that Tony had known for years.  He couldn’t take his eyes off of her.  At the same time, the arm of one of his many dates pressed against his side as she leaned in to whisper in his ear.  He didn’t really hear what she was saying.  He was too lost in the sound of her laugh across the room, the way her hair fell perfectly across her shoulders, and the small hand that clutched the arm of her date.  That should have been him.  And shouldn’t have.

…

It shouldn’t have happened.  I should have stayed with Tony and hoped things would get better.  Because this isn’t right, the way his arm fits with mine and the smell of his cologne.  It’s not fair – I can see him across the room with another woman on his arm, where I should be.  What have I done?  Moving on…moving on…this wasn’t what I wanted.  I’m a ruin. 

Disentangling myself from my date, I strode across the room, right up to Tony.  He whispered something in the ear of his date and she slipped away, giving us one last moment together.  I didn’t know what to say, but I knew something had to be said.  How to do this without seeming like I was blaming him?

“I’m sorry.”

For everything.


End file.
